Amy Willans tells her story of hope and recovery
By Joan Janzen
An attentive audience listened to Amy Willans share her personal account of “Triumph of the Spirit” at the Kerrobert Courtroom Gallery on Thursday evening, September 8. Amy collaborates with artist Laurie MacFayden in their joint presentation entitled “Fighting Normal.”
The two young women met at a women’s writing program and became friends. Ten years later, they created their Fighting Normal presentation, which combines Amy’s words and Laurie’s art. Their collaborative effort was accepted by Visual Arts Alberta (now CARFAC Alberta).
PHOTOS BY JOAN JANZEN, click for larger images and captions
The courtroom gallery displayed Laurie’s art chronologically, beginning with a canvas print made from a photograph of Amy when she was a young figure skater and finishing with pieces that celebrate resilience and hope. Although Amy shared her story from behind a podium, if you closed your eyes, you may have thought she was sitting across from you at your kitchen table, sharing from her heart.
“In 1996, I was in university, in love with a quarterback, and had just earned a spot on the Canadian Precision skating team. I had a whole life planned,” she said. But then things changed.
Amy couldn’t sleep, was anxious. She stopped eating, and showering, thought she was being watched and locked herself into her apartment. Her mom came and took her to the hospital, where she was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, an illness that combines the symptoms of schizophrenia with the symptoms of a mood disorder.
“I lost everything. My friends fell away,” she said. “The caregivers believed I would never be independent again.” Dozens of medications were tried, as well as electroconvulsive shock therapy. She was in and out of the hospital for five years; finally, a combination of medications was found that worked. But there was so much more that contributed to Amy’s journey forward.
One day she was at the hospital looking at the winter scene outside when she heard something whisper “write.” She began scribbling lines of poetry on scraps of paper and hiding them under her pillow. A nurse discovered her writings and eventually helped Amy enrol in writing classes when she left the hospital in 2001. There she was introduced to a community of supportive women, one of whom was Laurie MacFayden.
Along the way, Amy had the strong support of her mother, who would help Amy to check her thoughts. Amy’s father would take her on trips to various cities, which offered yet another avenue of healing and wholeness. She spent a lot of time walking, as well as trying out different types of artistic work. This, combined with a supportive community, helped Amy become the survivor she is today.
Eventually, her writing provided healing not only for herself but for others. “I began to work for the Schizophrenia Society of Alberta and started to speak about my experience with the illness while educating the public about stigma,” she explained. She was approached to be the first peer support worker in Alberta Health Services Mental Health and Addictions department; now, there are more than 30.
She was also accepted into a writing program as one of only ten individuals from around the globe. Several years ago, she ended up in the hospital once again. While there, she was notified she had won two awards. Although she didn’t feel worthy, she realized the awards were given because she is a survivor.
Amy is now a published author and public speaker. “I’ve dedicated my life to being a voice for others, that there’s hope for recovery for everyone,” Amy said. She believes in a holistic approach. “It’s not just about medication. I’m constantly checking my thinking. In spite of everything, I’m determined to really live. It’s one step at a time. What a journey!”