Check It Out: The journey from victim to victor

By Joan Janzen

Maybe you can relate to this comment which was posted online: “My patience is basically like a gift card. Not sure how much is left on it, but we can give it a try.”

Or how about this one: “Thank God it’s Friday. Only 40 more years of working life.”

Many Canadians are running out of patience as they face endless challenges. Kimberley Milousis is a Canadian who helps people navigate those challenges and improve their mental well-being.

Debi Silber interviewed Kimberley. Debi said, “I speak to a lot of people, and it seems like the ones who are making such a difference on the planet have been through the biggest challenges.” Kimberley is one of those people.

Today, she is a CPA tax specialist, author, and life coach, and she has a successful business. “But people need to hear my whole story,” she said. “I have a colourful background, came from poverty, abuse, and the foster care system.” She said her journey proves that no matter what your background is, your past doesn’t determine your future.

“I want people to have hope,” she said as she shared her story about going from victim to victor.

She was raised in Toronto in a poor, single-parent home, along with four siblings who were much older than her. As a child she didn’t realize her dad was a drug dealer and pimp. Unlike her mother, who was always working and grumpy, she liked visiting her dad, who could afford to give her treats.

From the age of ten, she was sexually abused by her mom’s boyfriend. Her siblings had all left home at an early age, so she was the only child living with her mom. When she was fifteen, Kimberley’s boyfriend found out about the abuse and reported it to the authorities. Kimberley was placed in foster care and her mom’s boyfriend was taken to court.

At the end of the court case, he was found guilty. Her mom’s response was to tell her daughter, “I hope you’re happy, you liar!”

Kimberley and her boyfriend married at a young age and had a family. After twenty years, their marriage was falling apart; however, a friend encouraged them to begin a healing process for themselves and their marriage.

“The greatest thing that happened to me is I learned to forgive and take responsibility,” she said. “I didn’t have anything handed down to me easily. I came through my story because I applied principles I learned. If I can do it, anyone can.”

Now in her 50s, Kimberley has more physical, emotional, mental and spiritual abundance than at any other time in her life. “As I got older, things didn’t get worse; they got better,” she said.

As a life coach she says people come with a laundry list of things wrong with them, wanting a quick answer. “There aren’t quick answers; health is a big picture. It’s about what you eat, how you move your body and about relationships,” she advised.

Kimberley recognized she wasn’t a victim. “Things happened to me, but that didn’t define who I was or what I was capable of. Things happened because we live in a broken world,” she said. “That realization put me in the driver’s seat.”

She also realized that physical symptoms are often an indication of what’s happening at an emotional level. Symptoms are ways to show us something needs to be addressed. “The first choice doesn’t necessarily have to be medicine. If there’s a natural remedy, why not try that first?” Kimberley suggested.

“Emotions buried alive never die,” she observed. Often what we’re experiencing in our bodies is a result of buried bitterness or fear. “How you think is a big component to your mental health. You can think yourself sick; you can think yourself into awful relationships and an awful future,” she advised. Whatever you are thinking deep inside is what you become.

As for financial well-being, she said, “Financial abundance has nothing to do with how much you have. It all starts with gratitude. Be grateful whether you have a little or a lot. If you keep everything to yourself, that will only be magnified when you have more resources.”

Kimberley advises her clients that everyday we have a choice, either to agree with lies or to agree with things that are true. We need to stop agreeing with wrong beliefs such as as ‘I am a victim’.

“Sometimes the journey isn’t smooth, but it’s a journey that has to be taken. Be full of hope,” she concluded.

A life coach (like Kimberley) who has successfully navigated through great challenges will assure you that if she can do it, anyone can.