Growing Through Grief: Freedom to try something new
By Angela Clement
After a significant loss it is common for us to pull into ourselves and go into hiding. We play small. We get into some sort of daily routine that feels safe and we fall into complacency. Over time we find ourselves bound by our own self-imposed boundaries. We also allow ourselves to be trapped by the expectations of others. At some point we realize that doing the same thing we did yesterday serves us in one way but limits us in another. This is when we might consider fully stepping into the unknown and trying something new.
When I lost Blaine I felt alone. I lived each day with a subconscious fear that I might not be able to do the things I needed to to survive on my own. I realized that some of the things like fixing the lawn mower or lifting some heavy object into the back of a truck was out of my scope. Fixing the water leaks in my home and the repairs to my roof were out of my ability. I found myself having to reach out to others. I had to rely on my family to help. At the time, I found myself vulnerable and afraid and worried about my future. I think to a point I still feel a little like that.
Something happens amid a drastic change. I have spent almost two years now contemplating the fact that I am a widow. Things have changed. I have changed. The situation is leaving me no choice but to start to release any preconceived notions about how life should now unfold. I have to be adaptable to the situation I am in. I can see after my loss that in some situations there is really no control. Still, it is not easy to accept change. I am sure the butterfly and the frog feel the same way when they have to make big changes in their lives. They have no choice but to surrender to the process. It must be frightening for them too. Yet I bet that they could have never imagined what they would become!
Stepping out of one’s comfort zone can create a great deal of anxiety. In the past I have been very uncomfortable with making a mistake and looking foolish. I would rather muddle through and figure things out myself than show someone else what I didn’t know. In the past two years, just simply calling a contractor or asking the neighbor for help made me nervous. Blaine used to take care of such things. I was afraid of making a wrong decision and looking stupid. Perhaps I might get taken advantage of somehow because of my lack of knowledge. I think fear of stepping into something we are not used to is always there. What if I fail? What if I make the wrong decision? What will happen? What will others think of me?
What I have learned is I have been a pretty “play it safe” kind of gal until this all happened. I have a good head on my shoulders, some might say. I think that has served me well over the years so why wouldn’t it serve me well in trying something new? I think at our core we want to be free. We want to be free to try something different without holding back or worrying about the outcome. Perhaps now I am ready to be a little daring and go beyond the predictable. Create something new. Try something fun and help some people in the process. Take a calculated risk. Step forward knowing I may make a mistake from time to time and that’s okay. What about you? Is it time to try something new? I believe it is never too late to try new things. Just like the butterfly, you never know how change will transform your life.