Growing Through Grief: Love, Loss and the Holidays
By Angela Clement
Christmas has always been important to me. I love the magical feeling of the Christmas season and the way Christmas music sings to my soul.
Last year when I lost my husband Blaine at the end of October I was not sure how I was going to get through Christmas but my plan was to go through the motions regardless. Blaine and I had together picked out some outdoor Christmas decorations for our new home and since my family was with me for the celebration of life I had them help me put them up before they left. He passed on October 26th and I know no one would have given it a second thought had I turned the lights out and skipped Halloween and Christmas altogether but I listened to my gut and decided I didn’t want to just skip it.
I spent Christmas with Blaine’s family. It felt right. We alternate years and it just so happened that last year was the year to spend with his family. I am not saying that it was easy. It was certainly not. I cried almost every day. It was hard but still magical in its own way. I spoke to Blaine each time I felt the need and he was there for me in so many ways. I felt his love through friends, family and his voice through healers that I was in contact with. He kept letting me know he was still here in spirit and I gently eased into continuing our relationship in this new way.
The holidays are coming up and if you have lost someone close you are likely feeling deep grief and sadness. You will remember previous holidays and how special they were and you think to yourself they can never be the same. This is true. It is sad when we look back and remember those good times knowing that we will never have those back. Over time we will start to look back with gratitude and love for all that we shared with our loved ones. The memories will become less painful and more precious. Believe that you can heal and grow through grief with the correct tools and support. Believe you can create beautiful new memories too.
At first it seems that all we can do is long for the past but over time, and this time frame is different for everyone, we can start to realize our thoughts are what affect our emotions and we can begin to bring ourselves to recognize what we truly desire for our life going forward. We learn to live from our hearts. This means no matter what happens, no matter what emotions come up for us we start to embrace them rather than resist them or fear them. It is only when we embrace all the emotions that we can actually feel gratitude, joy and happiness. Check in with your body occasionally and feel what is happening inside through breathing and/or meditation exercises. You can also try journaling your feelings, scribbling or finding some other creative expressions to release that emotion.
It is a great idea to reach out. Alone time is okay and actually important but I don’t recommend spending all your time alone. I had a great support group around me and when I felt like I needed more support I went looking for it. Find people that can help you sort out your thoughts and feelings. Do what makes you feel better and spend time with people that understand you and make you feel better. When your cup runs over it will spill over onto those around you. Just remember you have to do the work of filling it up for you first. If people offer help, make sure you consider taking them up on it. They want to help and it is okay for you to accept that help.
If you would like more suggestions about what you can do to help yourself through the holidays or ideas about how you might honor your loved one during the holiday season please contact me and I will be happy to share with you my free e-book as well as other free resources I offer. Take care and be patient with yourself this upcoming holiday season. Sending lots of love.