Growing Through Grief: Self Compassion
By Angela Clement
What happens when you start to feel the pressure from the world around you? Do you have trouble sleeping at night because you think of all the overwhelm that comes with the Christmas season or things that you should do? Does it feel like your mind is on overdrive?
Losing a loved one will definitely put your nervous system on high alert. If you were an anxious person before your loss it will be magnified now. One thing I have noticed since my loss is that my nervous system seems extra sensitive. Consequently, I have set boundaries as far as listening to the news, watching TV and putting myself in situations where I may have to deal with someone else’s drama in person or on social media. This has helped me stay calmer and able to deal with the challenges of daily life and the grieving process.
It has been two years since my loss. I have done a lot of work to help myself and I feel like the energy is now starting to return. I have taken on projects that are fulfilling and make me happy. They are also making me busy and I have noticed a little more stress and anxiety. My body has been letting me know when I am pushing the edge of this new boundary.
Through what I have learned about grief I know that when uncomfortable feelings come forward we best be listening. I also recently learned from a podcast with Mel Robbins and Lewis Howes that Anxiety is an alarm going off asking you to listen. With both anxiety and grief the tendency is to try to cover the feelings up. We do this by eating, scrolling on social media, getting busy, drinking alcohol, smoking or shopping. Just remember, the emotion we resist will persist. You might put it away for a while but it will come back again and again.
Mel suggests that there is a part of us that is crying out for love and reassurance. So why not give that part of us what it wants? We often look outside ourselves for love and attention. We have spent our lives relying on our parents or teachers to give us the support we need. We go to extraordinary lengths to make others happy so we can feel loved. Looking back I realize I was this person. I felt like if I could make others happy that would mean I would be successful and then I would be loved. If I completed some major project or provided some service then people would love me and admire me and I would feel fulfilled. Yet even when I was successful I never felt fulfilled. I was always searching for the next thing to make me happy.
Showing yourself love and support are key in being able to navigate the emotions that come from anxiety and grief. Mel suggests a simple exercise of putting your hands on your heart and breathing and reassuring and supporting yourself. We can also put our arms in such a way as giving ourselves a hug and then rubbing our upper arms. Taking the time to acknowledge what is happening in your body and providing acknowledgement and understanding is key. If you can provide that inner voice with reassurance and love the discomfort subsides.
We are often spending our days making sure that the daily tasks get done. We do those first and then if we have time, we consider ourselves. Do something to honor yourself first. How can you show up for you today? Practice self care. Have a bath, listen to some calming music or read a book. Maybe do all three at once! Showing up for yourself is the greatest gift you can give to you. It is also the greatest gift you give to the world. You are already enough just as you are. You are worthy. You deserve self compassion. You will be surprised at how far this can take you and how much more fulfilled you will feel. For more helpful tips or to subscribe to my newsletter join me at www.healingenergy.world.