A Few Jokes: iPhone for Birthday
A guy said to God, “God, is it true that to you a billion years is like a second?”
God said “yes”
The guy said, “God, is it true that to you a billion dollars is like a penny?”
God said “yes”
The guy said, “God, can I have a penny?”
God said, “Sure, just a second.”
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After a prolonged drought when the rain came, all the animals in the forest were happy except the Kangaroo. When the others asked him what the reason was for such sadness, the Kangaroo revealed that the rain meant that all its kids would now be playing inside.
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One day Max went to see Carl. Carl had a big swollen nose.
“Whoa, what happened, Carl?”, Max asked.
“I sniffed a brose,” Carl replied.
“What?”, Max said. “There’s no ‘b’ in rose!”
Carl replied, “There was in this one!”
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My daughter want’s the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone. It’s my way or the Huawei.
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An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. “In English,” he said, “A double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn’t a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative.”
A voice from the back of the room said, “Yeah, right.”
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A Husband and Wife at Custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex wife.
Judge: “Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?”
Ex wife: “I brought him into this world so I should have custody of him.”
Judge: “That is a simple yet good reason.”
Then the judge looks towards the Ex husband.
Judge: “Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?”
The ex husband thought long and hard about his response, after a brief moment of silence, he replies, “If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out. Is it mine or the machines?”