Canada Jokes, Humor, and a Few Fun Facts
1. How do blue jays stay fit? By doing worm-ups!
2. What's a Canadian ghost's favourite food? Boo-tine!
3. What did the snow say to the Rocky Mountains? We've got you covered.
4. Why shouldn't curlers tell jokes on the ice? Because they'll crack up.
5. Why is maple syrup always so sad? Because it's sappy.
6. What has antlers and sucks blood? A moose-quito!
7. What was the skeleton doing at the hockey game? Driving the zam-boney!
8. What did the beaver say to the maple tree? It's been nice gnawing you.
9. What can jump higher than the CN Tower? Nothing. The CN Tower can't jump.
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Why are Canadian students so smart? They get a lot of ehs.
What time was it when the monster gobbled up the Prime Minister? Eight P.M.
How do you stop bacon from curling in the frying pan? Take away its broom.
What does Canada produce that no other country in the world can? Canadians!
Why do Canadians have a hard water problem? It’s frozen most of the year!
How did the beaver get online? He logged on.
Why do hockey players like baking cakes? Because they’re great at icing.
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The wacky, witty west
A Calgarian rolled up the rim on his Tim Hortons coffee. He stared in disbelief for a moment, then started yelling, “I’ve won a motor home! I’ve won a motor home!”
A woman working at the counter said, “That’s impossible. The biggest prize is a car.”
“No, it says right here,” he said, handing the cup to the employee: “W I N A B A G E L.”
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Canada has approximately 3 million lakes, more than the rest of the world combined.
St Johns Newfoundland received 68.4 cm of snow on April 5, 1999.
The middle of Canada is all the way up in Southeastern, Nunavut near Yathkyed Lake.
Wood Buffalo National Park is bigger than Denmark or Switzerland.
Nahanni National Park Reserve in the NWT is larger than Albania or Israel.
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Signs you’ve been in Alberta too long:
You think Medicine Hat is “The Windy City”
You mistake mosquitoes for birds
Oil has started leaking out of your boots
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Things you won’t hear in Saskatchewan:
“Duct tape isn’t going to fix that.”
“Is the seafood fresh?”
“I just don’t feel like bingo tonight.”
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Sometime in the future, Canada will rule the earth.
And then you’ll all be sorry.
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A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Montreal ...
“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.
Red meat is awful. Drinks like Coke and other kinds of pop erode your stomach lining.
Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.
But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”
A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, “Wedding cake.”