Fun Father Stories
The Right Choice
My 16-year-old brother, Ryan, was out late with friends one night. Suddenly he realized it was Father’s Day and he had neglected to buy a card for our dad. After much searching, Ryan located an open store, but was disappointed to find only two cards left on a picked-over rack. Selecting one, he brought it home and, somewhat sheepishly, presented it to our father. Upon opening it, Dad read this message: “You’ve been like a father to me.” He looked at Ryan, puzzled.
“Well, Dad,” Ryan tried to explain, “it was either that or the card that said, ‘Now that I’m a father too!’”
Thanks for the Soda, Pop!
Before I took the old family car to college, my father loaded the trunk with soft-drink bottles filled with oil, coolant and transmission fluid. Sure enough, my car overheated. Scolding myself for not listening to my father’s instructions, I looked at the engine and saw how well he knew me. The oil cap was labeled Dr Pepper, the transmission stick, Coke, and the empty coolant container, Diet Pepsi. I finished the trip safely.
Say What, Dad?
Our Gen-X daughter, Christie, made my husband a Father’s Day card entitled “Things My Dad Would Never Say.”
Such as:
“Can you turn up that music?”
“Go ahead and take my truck. Here’s 50 bucks for gas.”
“I LOVE your tattoo. We should both get new ones.”
“I’m lost, time to pull over and ask for directions.”
“Why did you stop whining?”
“Mom and I are going away for the weekend, you should throw a party?”
“You don’t need to get a part time job, I have plenty of money for you to spend”
“Don’t you think that skirt is a little long?”
When is my turn to wash the dishes? It feels like forever”
“If your friends are doing it, sure you can too.”
“Curfew, what curfew?”
“Would you like control of the remote?”
“Let’s see what’s on the Lifetime Channel”
“Do these shoes go with this outfit?”
“Who keeps turning off all the lights in the house?”
Watch the Wash, Dad…
I decided to make myself useful and do a load of the family laundry. When I took the clothes out of the machine, I discovered — to my dismay — that I had also washed the watch my wife had given me while we were dating. “Don’t expect me to replace it,” she said later with an obvious lack of sympathy. By the time Father’s Day rolled around, however, she had relented and gave me a beautiful new watch. Attached was a note with this stipulation: “DRY-CLEAN ONLY!”
Father’s Day was near when I brought my three-year-old son, Tyler, to the card store. Inside, I showed him the cards for dads and told him to pick one.When I looked back, Tyler was picking up one card after another, opening them up and quickly shoving them back into slots, every which way. “Tyler, what are you doing?” I asked. “Haven’t you found a nice card for Daddy yet?”
“No,” he replied. “I’m looking for one with money in it.”
My husband’s cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears — one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. “See, Connor?” he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. “That’s Daddy.” Connor’s eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, “You used to be a bear?”
I got my dad one of those typical Father’s Day cards. You know, with a picture of a hunting coat hanging on a peg, a duck decoy and some golf clubs leaning in the corner. Perfect card for him, because there’s nothing Dad loves more than going out in the woods on a frosty morning and beating ducks to death with a 4-iron. – Daniel Liebert
Sage Fatherly Advice: Unfortunately, it was advice that I didn’t listen to. In 1986, as he was walking me down the aisle to marry my first husband, he whispered that we could keep on walking...straight out the side door of the church, and he and my mom would never question it. I should have listened; that marriage lasted only two and a half years. Father knows best!
“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant, I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I turned 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” – Mark Twain