Funny Golf Stories

Drowning your sorrows

After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th. He looked at his caddie and said, "I've played so badly all day, I think I'm going to drown myself in that lake." The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, "I’m not sure you could keep your head down that long."

Lightning storm

What should you do if your round of golf is interrupted by a lightning storm? Walk around holding your 1-iron above your head, because even Mother Nature can’t hit a 1-iron.

The right club?

A hacker was playing so badly that his caddie was getting increasingly exasperated. On the 11th, his ball lay about 160 yards from the green and as he eyed up the shot, he asked his caddie, "Do you think I can get there with a 4-iron?" "Eventually," replied the caddie, wearily.

When it rains it pours

Two long time friends were standing on the tee overlooking a river getting ready to hit their shots. One of the golfers pointed down the river and turned to his friend and said, "Look at those idiots fishing in the rain!"

Getting the right result

"You’re late on the tee, John." "Yes, well being a Sunday, I had to toss a coin to see if I should go to church or go and play golf." "Okay, but why are you so late?" "I had to toss it 15 times!"

The last laugh

An argumentative drunk had been looking for a fight all afternoon in the club bar after losing his match, finally aiming a punch at the man next to him. The man ducked and the drunk, losing balance, fell off his stool on to the floor. By the time he'd dusted himself down and picked himself up, his opponent had departed. "Not much of a fighter, was he?" he complained to the barman. "Not much of a driver either, sir,” said the barman, gazing out of the window. “He's just driven over your clubs."

Best clubs ever owned

Hear the one about the bad-tempered golfer who bought a new set of TaylorMade clubs? After playing with them for a couple of rounds he returned to his pro shop and told the pro, “These were the best clubs I have ever played with. In fact, I can throw these clubs 40-yards further than my old ones!”

A fore-letter word

Golf got its name because all of the other four-letter words were taken.