Funny Stories: Vending Machine

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.

The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side of the story.

After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied:

“Your Honour, when I put a coin into a vending machine, and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or to the machine?”

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A man was visiting his doctor.The doctor checked him over, then commented, “It looks like you get a fair bit of exercise!”

The man replied, “Oh yeah. In fact, the other day I walked 5 miles over rugged terrain, climbed over rocks and trees, waded along the edges of a lake, pushed my way through tall thistles, and even slid down sandy slopes while getting sand in my eyes.”

The doctor, impressed, replied, “Wow! You certainly seem like a dedicated outdooor enthusiast!”

“Oh, not really” said the man, “I’m just a really bad golfer.”

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A TV station reporter was interviewing a 103 year old guy known as the “oldest person in the County”. Among other things, she asked him what he thought was the “Greatest Invention” of his lifetime.

He says, “Oh, that’s easy. It’s the Thermos bottle.”

The startled reporter says, “Really? Why?”

The old guy says, “It keeps things hot, don’t it?”

She says, “yes, yes it does.”

He says, “It keeps things cold, don’t it?”

“Yeah,” she says, “they do.”

“Right,” the old guy says. “.... how does it know?”