Jokes for Turkey Day!
Turkey Jokes
How does a turkey travel?" "By gravy train."
"What do you call a turkey the day after Thanksgiving?" "Lucky!"
"What did the turkey say to his real estate agent?" "Turn-key only."
"What’s a turkey’s favorite month?" "They don’t have one, but they prefer any other than October!"
"What sound does a turkey's phone make?" "Wing-wing-wing."
"What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter on Thanksgiving Day?" "Quack, Quack!"
"Why did the farmer have to separate the chicken and the turkey?" "He sensed fowl play."
"What key has legs and can't open a door?" "A tur-key."
"Why did they let the turkey join the band?" "Because he had his own drumsticks."
"What happened to the turkey that got in a fight?" "He got the stuffing knocked out of him!"
Pilgrim jokes
What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to? Plymouth Rock.
If April flowers bring May showers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims!
Why do pilgrims’ pants always fall down? They wear their belt buckle on their head.
Where did they take the Mayflower when it was sick? The nearest doc.
What do pilgrims learn in school? Pilgrammar.
What do pilgrims use to bake cookies? May-flour!
Why didn’t the pilgrims want to make bread? It’s a crummy job.
What’s the smallest unit of measurement in the pilgrim cookbook? A pil-gram.
How did the pilgrims bring their cows to America? On the mooo-flower.
What do Pilgrims use to make s’mores? Pilgraham crackers.
Thanksgiving food jokes
Did you hear about the sad cranberry? It was actually a blueberry.
What did one smitten pumpkin say to the other? I only have pies for you.
What’s the best thing to put in pumpkin pie? Your teeth!
Why was everyone grouchy after drinking the apple cider? It was made of crab apples!
How did the cider mill keep track of its inventory? On an Apple iPad.
How did the investor know Apple’s stock was going to go up? He had incider information.
How did the detective solve the mystery at the orchard? He pressed the apples for clues.
Why did the farmer enter the cider-making contest? He loved the apple-ause.
What kind of apples should be used for cider served at a ball? Gala apples.
Why was the cornbread fired from his job? It was loafing around too much.
Thanksgiving Quotes
“May your stuffing be tasty. May your turkey be plump. May your potatoes and gravy have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious and your pies take the prize, and may your Thanksgiving dinner stay off your thighs!” —Anonymous.
“The Thanksgiving tradition is, we overeat. ‘Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?’ ‘But we do that every day!’ ‘Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the heck out of us?'”—Jim Gaffigan.