Marriage
Marriage is like the IKEA of relationships. Easy to walk into, confusing to piece together, and difficult to exit.
Marriage is like going to a restaurant You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
Marriage is like deleting all the apps on your phone except one
“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” -Erma Bombeck“
I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it.” -Lyndon B. Johnson
“Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits and then complain that he’s not the man she married?” -Barbra Streisand
“A husband’s last words should always be, OK buy it.” -Unknown
“All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.” -Raymond Hull
“I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.” -Marie Corelli
“Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.” Billy Connolly
“Shopping with your husband is liking hunting with the Game Warden.”
Waiting for a table
Ian arrived at a very popular restaurant and he was dismayed to find it very crowded.
Approaching the hostess Ian asked, ‘Will it be long?’
The hostess, seemingly ignoring Ian continued writing in her reservations book.
Thinking she had possibly not heard him the first time, Ian decided to ask again. ‘How much time is the wait for a table?’
Looking up from her book, the hostess smiled and said, ‘Oh, only about ten minutes. We will inform you when your table is ready.’
A short time later, Ian heard an announcement over the intercom system, ‘Willette B. Long Willette B. Long, your table is ready.’