Steps to build a campfire

1. Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers.

2. Bandage left thumb.

3. Chop other fragments into smaller fragments.

4. Bandage left foot.

5. Make a structure of slivers (including those embedded in the hand).

6. Light match.

7. Light match.

8. Repeat “I’m a Happy Camper” and light match.

9. Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and blow gently into base of flames.

10. Apply burn ointment to nose.

11. When fire is burning, collect more wood.

12. When fire is burning well, add all remaining firewood.

13. After thunderstorm has passed, repeat the above steps.