The Best Medicine
A teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body.
It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school.
Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. The classroom became a bit unruly and he admonished them. This happened several times.
When he could do work at his desk, the strong breeze from the window made his tie flap annoyingly. He kept rearranging and rearranging the tie as the class raised it’s level of unruliness.
Finally, becoming disgusted with the wayward tie, he stood up and took a big stapler off his desk and stapled the tie to his chest in several places.
Discipline was not a problem from that day forth.
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A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
“My dog is cross eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?”
“Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him” So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says “I’m going to have to put him down.”
“What? Because he’s cross-eyed?” “No, because he’s really heavy”
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There’s the sad story of the poor guy who was in a terrible motorcycle accident.
When he came out from under the anesthetic, the doctor was leaning over him anxiously. “Son,” he said, “I’ve got some good news and some bad news.
“The bad news is that you were in a very serious accident, and I’m afraid we had to amputate both your feet just above the ankle.”
“Wow,” gasped the patient.
“What’s the good news?”
“The fellow in the next bed over will give you a good price for your boots.”
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Brains
• Maybe if we start telling people the brain is an app they will start using it.
• The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
• It’s ok to follow your heart but take your brain with you.
• My brain is giving me the silent treatment today.
• I miss my pre-internet brain.
• I used to have functioning brain cells, but I traded them in for children.
• Keep rolling your eyes, maybe you’ll find a brain back there.
• Sometimes I look at people and start singing “If I only had a brain”
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Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?