Dog Plays Chess, Boy Swallows Ships

Two ships

A 2 year old kid gets into a stack of board games. And before his parents notice, he has them all open and pieces everywhere. The folks clean up the mess but soon realize that there are pieces missing from the Battleship game. 

They rush the kid to the hospital, and sure enough, x-rays show he has swallowed some pieces. The doctor finds an aircraft carrier and two smaller boats in the kids intestines. The doc is especially worried about the carrier, as it is larger and has sharp corners. The boy is admitted and given medicine to help move things along and spends the night under observation. The next morning, the doctor enters his room to find a nurse holding a bed pan. The doctor asks "Is that the aircraft carrier?" To which the nurse responds "No, it’s just two ships that passed in the night."

Smartest Dog

A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."

"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five.”