Very funny very short stories

“My doctor told me I had Attention Deficit Disorder. He said ‘A.D.D. is a complex disorder, blah, blah, blah’. I didn’t pay attention to the rest.” - Kyle Dunnigan

“Penguins mate for life. Which doesn’t exactly surprise me that much ‘cause they all look alike – it’s not like they are going to meet a better looking penguin some day” - Ellen DeGeneres

“While driving I had an accident with a magician. He came out of nowhere” - Auggie Cook

“You know the good thing about gangs is, they carpool”  - John Mendoza

“I was on the subway sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks ‘Are you reading that?’ I didn’t know what to say. So I said ‘Yes’, stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.” - David Brenner